Memoirs of a Dying Duck
by Mugenmidget
Summary: Scrooge McDuck, on the last threads of life, writes his memoirs...so to speak.


The Memoirs of Scrooge McDuck  
  
Scrooge McDuck was getting old, cause he is. So he sat down and started writing what would be a lifetimes worth of memories  
  
"Aye, this be Scrooge McDuck. Or as my nephews call me...UNKIE SCROOGE! Boy how I yearn to strangle each one, Huey, Duey, AND Luey...ESPECIALLY Luey...  
  
UNKIE SCROOGE!  
  
UNKIE SCROOGE!  
  
SHADDUP!  
  
Their voices never leave my head, their begging remains with me always.  
  
Sorry, Unkie Scrooge...  
  
AHHHHHHH Is it so much to ahsk that me nephews call me Scroooooge? I work hard to provide for me boys all day long at McDuck Enterprises...  
  
THAT'S WHY THEY PESTER ME!!!  
  
They're after me lucky dime! It's magically enriching! They're after me lucky dime!  
  
SHOO MAGICA SHOO!  
  
Sorry...had another hallucination.  
  
I should write me will, I feel death's cold fingers a-tingling up me shoulder. AHHH BACK BACK YOU YOU!!! It was just Bubba and him Dinosaur. Aye the day when I was a young lad hitting up the ladies, like Glittering Goldie O' Gilt, Tilly Billbrook, Briggitta MacBridge, aye but I bet they were all after me lucky dime. Met most of them in the Goldrush. Hoped they make good showgirls, aye but they fail me once more...  
  
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Had me a heart attack there...almost died.  
  
I really should write that will!  
  
Aye I think I'm rotting, I smell so bad...  
  
No...Doofus farted. Aye how I would love to see him whimper if I told him how I grinded up his swine of a mother into ham...HAR HAR. But it isn't time for that.  
  
Arrr Flintheart Glomgold, what a scallywag. At least he isn't a sorceress, aye Magica de Spell still haunts me. But Flintheart, he is a good rival, aye I think I should leave money to him...  
  
AM I CRAZY? He's after me lucky dime...WHAHWHIOARHWAOHWA no one gets me lucky DIME! NO ONE NO ONE!!!   
  
AYE I KNOW! I'll lock it up!!! In a safe! Wait...it's in a safe... AYE A BIGGER ONE!!"  
  
Scrooge McDuck stood up from his papers and threw the dime into a safe. He started to set the dial, but in his craziness twisted the dial every which way. He then swallowed the key cause he was hungry, and burned his fingerprints on the fireplace.  
  
"AYE!!! NOW ME CAN NEVER GET ME LUCKY DIME!!! But no one else can either... MWAHAHAHAHA ME LUCKY DIME IS SAFE!!!  
  
Remember the day? Aye I remember...  
  
Aye them stupid nephews... NO GET AWAY FROM THERE!!!  
  
  
ME STATUE!!!  
  
It's RUINED!!!  
  
Those nephews will burn in McDuck HELL!  
  
I'll start beating them again, why won't Donald pick them up?!?!?  
  
Aye they be a handful, but a bottle full of liquor makes em sleep.  
  
GO TO BED!  
  
Aye Goldie...her eyes glittered...glittered like gold.  
  
  
GOLD  
  
  
GOLD  
  
  
MWAHHAHAHA I'm RICH I'm SWIMMING IN MONEY. THEY ASK IF I'M HAPPY!?!?!?! OF COURSE I'm HAPPY I'm THE RICHEST DUCK!!! MWWAHAHWHAHWAHFHWA HFHA ACKCKCKKK!!!"  
  
  
Scrooge grasps to his chair, and then sits back up.  
  
"Aye they want me to die, they want me money. I'll OUTLIVE THEM ALL!!!  
  
  
  
AHAHAHAHAAH  
  
Better write me will anyways...  
  
  
Ahhhh Gyro Gearloose, that backstabbing traitor. He acts like a fix-it man. I KNOW HE'S REALLY GIZMO DUCK!!! What other NERD would get in a superhero suit aye? And he's probably making BILLIONS!!! Not as rich as me...no one as rich as me...I'm TOO RICH. DUCKBERG IS MINE MINE MINE MINE I TELL YE!!!  
  
My sweet Webby, why is she growing into such a McDuck whore? If she marries Doofus...then I'll... ACKK!!! HEEEARRRTT ATTTAAAAAAAACK!"  
  
Scrooge grabs his heart, makes his chest bleed, and knocks his picture off his desk. He recovers and returns to writing.  
  
"WHERE IS THAT STUPID WAITER WHEN I NEED HIM??? Or butler... WHATEVER?!?!? Aye and I seen the way Mrs. Beakly stares at me, wanting to eat me. She's not going to digest me! That's why she's not getting into the WILL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Aye Duckworth thinks he's getting money does he? That worthless beagle!!! I know he leads the Beagle Boys!!  
  
AHHH I HEAR THEM COMING TORWARDS ME!!  
  
BACK YOU CONVICTS  
  
BACK I SAYYY...  
  
  
***GASSSSPPPP****"  
  
Scrooge pulls a gun and shoots at the window, a bluebird falls onto the ground and smears blood across his window.  
  
"AYEEE I GOT THEM ALL GO TO PRISON YOU HELL BOUND BEAGLE BOYS!!!  
  
Aye that Launchpad, after all them crash landings, I figured it out. Trying to kill me eh? WELL YOUR NOT GETTING ME LUCKY DIME!!! YOU ARE OUT OF ME WILL!!! You MURDERER!!! Stay BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ACK!"  
  
Scrooge twists around on the ground...then stands up, straightens his shirt...and punches a hole in the wall...creating a chain reaction of his photos falling off the shelf.  
  
"AYE THE PAIN THE PAIN!!! THE VOICES THE VOICES!!!  
  
  
  
Aye!  
  
  
Aye!  
  
  
  
Stay back stay back stay back!  
  
  
  
Aye it's over...I must write my ballaaaaaaadddd........  
  
  
  
Life is like a hurricane...  
  
here in Duckberg...  
  
Racecars...MONEY AND GOLD!!  
  
I'm a DICTATOR  
  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH  
  
Might shoot some birrrddeees!!!  
  
Or do evil CHEMISTRY  
  
DUCK TALES!!!  
  
HWHHAHAHAHA HEY...  
  
AHHHH  
  
I'm dying!!!  
  
  
AHhnnnnnnnn mmmmustt........finish.,......will....."  
  
And with that... Scrooge wrote his will...  
  
If you are of the McDuck family...read it here...  
  
http://home.attbi.com/~wilsons61/will.jpg 


End file.
